The Crush List – Spring 2013

1. Straight allies – I can’t say how awesome it feels to see my straight friends showing their support by changing their social media avatars or making posts in support of marriage equality. It gives me hope both that the world can get better, and that I have people out there who will accept me for who I am.
2. “Vikings,” on the History Channel and Hulu – This series is awesome. There are some arguments that it’s not accurate or it’s too fictionalized for History Channel fare… but who cares. History is always biased; it’s always written by the victors. It feels educational AND fun, and I am learning new things not only through the show itself, but through the research / googling it inspires me to do. Plus the cast is ah-mazing, and deserve Emmys (or at least nominations) for their work. Especially Katheryn Winnick as the bad-ass shield-maiden! And is it totally weird that I want Ragnar’s hair style? (Maybe a bit less scruffy version of it…)
3. Jinkx Monsoon – I think she might be my favorite drag queen EVER. She totally deserves the crown on this cycle of Drag Race. She’s hilarious, classy, gorgeous, adorbs, charismatic, and sexy. She brings something to the runway that, while it pays homage to gay icons and drag legends of the past, is totally new and unique. And while she CAN read a bitch, she seems immensely nice and doesn’t NEED to tear down others to build herself up. If Ru doesn’t hand her the win, Ru is crazy. (And by the way, Jinkx, if you read this and Ivy Winters has turned you down regarding your crush / showmance….. give me a call! ROWR!)
4. “That Sex Show” on Logo - I love sex, so this isn’t surprising that I would become interested in this show. However, I gotta say, that sometimes it makes me want to “facepalm”. I think I know more about sex and gender and relationships than everyone on there! (Not all of it is from personal experience, mind you, I’m not THAT much of a slut. Some is from friends and years of giving them advice.) But sometimes these panelists act so surprised about a fetish existing, or don’t know the meaning of a term, and I’m like “what!?” Even so, all the panelists are likable and funny. It’s entertaining. And occasionally even I learn something…
5. “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand – I’m only a little over a third of the way through this massive book, but I find it so good (and so aggrivating in some ways). I don’t understand how the “Tea Partiers” think Ayn Rand is their mascot; this book is actually the antithesis of many of their beliefs… I don’t believe that we can infer how an author from the past would have felt about contemporary issues, because the world and time a person lives in shapes their views, and words change meaning over time. I also don’t believe we should read hidden meanings into fiction and turn them into political mannifestos unless the author specifically says that’s how you should interpret it. In Rand’s case, yes, she made political statements. I haven’t yet read everything she wrote. However, what I take from this book is NOTHING like what the pundits claim to hold as their views. So please, pick up this book and start reading – Part 1 can stand alone as a complete work as it is… if you can’t commit to such a large book… or start with her “Anthem” which is super super short. (We the Living is also worth reading, if you finish Anthem).
6. Nutella - For some reason I’m on a kick of eating this lately. I basically slather it on wheat toast, because I don’t know what else to do with it, and don’t have any other chocolate stuff left around the house. And I think it’s healthier than chocolate (which I think is healthy itself) so yeah (even though I’m probably flawed in my logic considering it a health food, I really don’t care).

Goodness Gay-cious

Goodness gay-cious is kinda like “goodness gracious” only, like, gayer.

It’s an expression used to signify excitement or positive feelings. Example: “Goodness gay-cious, he’s a sexy dancer.”

Pansexual, Polyamorous, and Genderqueer

These terms may mean something slightly different to each person, but here’s what they mean to me. I use these terms to identify myself, but they are just parts of my identity, not the entirety of my being.

I am pansexual because I find myself sexually, physically, and mentally attracted to persons of all genders (I believe that there are more than two genders, and I believe that the differences are gradual rather than a black-and-white distinction.) I sometimes say that I am “bisexual” since more people are familiar with that term, and for simplicity. I also am sexually attracted more often to guys, so I don’t mind the term “gay,” and I’ll use it in certain situations. But pansexual feels the most honest and complete, for me.

I am polyamorous because I believe that it is possible to love two or more people equally. I believe poly relationships can work, and that monogamy or serial monogamy isn’t the right solution for everyone. I’ve had one threesome, and though it was short term, it was fun. I haven’t had the opportunity to have a long-term poly relationship yet. While it isn’t a must, and I would certainly consider monogamous relationships if the right person came along, I really feel that a partly-open or a poly relationship suits me best and is ideal.

I am genderqueer because I feel more masculine at times and more feminine at others. I have no current desire to have surgery or take hormones, and I don’t want to permanently “lose” or change parts of my body. However, if there was a magic spell that could switch me between sexes at will, I would use it in a heartbeat (and often). As it is, I’m simply too lazy to go through the grooming rituals to be a “drag queen” and I’m too shy to be a performer. I don’t agree with society’s definitions of sex, gender, gender roles, and gender stereotypes. I consider myself transgender (and strongly support the trans community) even though I’m not currently persuing changes to my body. After all, gender is between the ears (not between the legs).

Singing and Dancing

Now that The Voice and Dancing with the Stars have returned, here’s some initial thoughts….

DWTS

DL Hugley is quite possibly the worst celebrity to grace (er, perhaps “grace” isn’t the right word…) the dance floor yet. In ANY season. He deserved to go first, and the only explanation for his staying is that Cheryl got a shitload of sympathy votes.

I was fairly shocked at the “elimination”… (which I read about online, I rarely watch the actual elimination shows since I’m too busy and don’t feel like sitting through lengthy recaps and drawn-out faux drama of who is “safe” or not.)

As for the women, Kellie Pickler and Zendaya are the best dancers. Although I think they are about equal on actual dance skills, Kellie has a slight advantage in age (she can show off her sexiness more than an underage celeb) and voting (since she already has a fanbase from American Idol and her country singing career that will be used to voting for her).

As for the men, I personally think Andy Dick is the best AND most entertaining dancer. His first dance was average for a week one dance, but his second was completely fucking amazing. It was sexy, funny, and in proper character. He practically danced like a pro. And did I mention sexy? I almost ran off to have some “alone time” afterwards. However, I don’t predict that he will last long. He’s going to be judged unfairly by the judges and by the “middle America” voters. He’s also got the huge disadvantage of being paired with a “newbie” pro. But, he has my vote at least. Ingo Rademacher, the soap guy, is probably the second-best dancer so far.

If I had to bet on a top 3, my money would be on Kellie Pickler, Aly Raisman, and Ingo Rademacher.

Also, I like that they’re adding different dances to the mix, but for some reason it felt wrong to be giving some pairs Contemporary in week one, while giving others a more traditional ballroom dance. It’s never really been easy to compare dancers against each other while doing different styles, but this was even more glaring.

The Voice

Shakira is amazing, and she makes a fantastic addition to the show. I originally started watching mostly for Christina, so when I heard she was not going to be on this season, I was relieved that Shakira would be on. She’s one of the few people who could get me as excited as Xtina (although by now I’ve come to like the show and the other coaches enough that I’d probably watch regardless.) Usher is okay, I don’t have anything against him, but he is a little too laid-back and understated so far.

Also, with both Xtina and Cee-lo gone, the wardrobe department is a little lacking. Too much black and leather. Sorry, but red boots on Usher and a little fishnet on Shaki aren’t quite the same as the spiky metal shoulder pads and crazy wigs and pets worn by Cee-lo, or the boob-revealing and hair-dying antics of Xtina. Shaki’s style is also a bit hampered, at least potentially depending when episodes were filmed, by her baby-bump or post-baby body (though she’s still a hottie regardless, it just makes wardrobe a bit more limited). And Blake and Adam pretty much keep their look the same week to week.

As for the contestants… there’s no one that has instantly captured my passion, so far. Sure, some of them are quite good, and will probably go far in the competition. But there’s no one who I’d go out right now and buy their CD.

Season 1 had Dia Frampton, Season 2 had Chris Mann, and Season 3 had Cassadee Pope (and that’s just my faves who made it to the finals). There were also several others who had me love them after just one song. I’ve even put my money where my mouth is, buying their CDs, downloading iTunes songs or pledging to their Kickstarters.

I may come to like these contestants more, as I hear more from them and they learn from the process of performing on the show, or else I may see someone in the coming weeks who captures my heart… but just so far, I can’t say who will get my votes.

There’s no one I am passionate about yet, the way I was/am about De’borah or Cody Belew, Lindsay Pavao, Pip, or Katrina Parker.

Perhaps ironically, it’s the two duos who are my favorites so far. Duos have historically been unsuccessful on the show, and haven’t made it very far. Perhaps this is their year.

Also, the “sob stories” are getting to be a little much. During night one, I literally laugh-snorted at a most inopportune time, thanks to the editing choices made. This is supposed to be The VOICE, not Oprah, Tyler Perry and RuPaul’s life-affirming bring-it-to-Church tales of redemption and perseverance. Yeah, we know it’s SO HARD to make it in the music industry, and you probably knew someone who died or was addicted to drugs or made your life hell or made sacrifices because they unconditionally love you. WE ALL DO.

I really wish they’d just bring them out on stage, with no intro, no backstory, no lights. They SING, and we give them a blind audition, just like the coaches do. They can bring in the emotional crap in later episodes – they have plenty of time.

A note on marriage equality

In case it wasn’t obvious (and it should be by now), I am a full supporter of marriage equality.

I’m not even going to make a case for it (at this particular time) because, really now, it should be so blindingly fucking obvious to anyone with half a brain. There is NO logical argument against equality.  NONE.

The only people who can try to fight against equality are bigots. There is no other word for them. They do not deserve even a second of my attention. Sure, they have the right to be as vocal as they want, and I will fight for everyone’s First Amendment rights to freedom of speech, press, assembly, and religion as hard as I fight for anything…. but I do not owe those bigots even an ounce of respect. Their words do nothing but cause real, physical and mental harm to millions of good, innocent people.

I believe marriage equality for gay and lesbian people is inevitable. I can only hope that it is something that comes sooner rather than later. This also doesn’t mean that the fight is over. Marriage is only one part (albeit an important part) of full equality. We also need non-discrimination in employment, housing, medical care, education, consumer affairs, and more. We need respect in the media. We need to stop criminals who mean us harm, and we need police and law enforcement to be allies. We need to extend all rights to ALL those in the GLBTQ (etc.) spectrum. This includes supporting trans people, people in polyamorous relationships, and others often forgotten even by the “gay” community.

This does not stop at our borders; although we should allow other nations and peoples to choose their own path, we should lead by example. We should not recognize, support, or trade with governments who commit human rights violations and atrocities. We should allow those who must flee those oppressive places a way to live the American dream. We need to make the entire world a safe place for every person to be who they are born.

So, yes…. support the marriage equality cause with all your heart, and hope and pray for victory. I thank everyone who does (especially our straight allies).

Just remember that regardless of how many people change their Facebook or Twitter avatars to the red equality sign…. regardless of the Supreme Court decisions… we probably are still a long way from our finish line. And though the revolution may be Tweeted, it may also include more sacrifices beyond a social media campaign.

 

Things that turn me on

In no particular order:

Fingerless gloves. Feet. Socks, sandals, or bare feet. The Doctor (especially 11). Glasses. Geeks. Nerds. Trevor Donovan. Just the right amount of scruff. Drag queens. James Franco. James Dean. “Dancing with the Stars” Pros (especially Derek Hough, Dmitry Chaplin, Tristan MacManus and Gleb Savchenko, and Lacey Schwimmer and Julianne Hough). Massages. Natalie Portman. The entire cast of “Revenge” (especially Conor Paolo). Lister and Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Tickling. Body contact. Smart people. Vampires, werewolves, aliens and other supernatural beings (in some instances). Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sam, and Brittany/Santana on “Glee.” Jay Brannan. James Van Der Beek. Matt Bomer. Cast of “Merlin” (BBC show). Bryan Fuller. Cast of “Arrow”. Shakira. Christina Aguilera. People being gay, bi, pan, poly, and/or trans. Confidence. Lee Pace. Quirky, smart humor. Sleeping next to someone. Spooning. Cuddling. Holding hands. Hair. Good art. The entire cast of “Teen Wolf.” Boys in casts and broken arms and legs. Boys crying. Boys moaning. Boys peeing. Swimming pools, fountains, showers, and other water. Little people. Amputees. People with physical disabilities / differences. People of all races. Accents. Some S&M. Getting rimmed. “Average” guys (not bodybuilder types, not  overweight, but a large range from skinny to chubby). Scarves. Jewelery. Faces. Porn with a plot.

Weird Fetishes

What makes a fetish too weird? Anything?

Personally, I feel that anything consensual is okay. That means that bestiality, child abuse, and any kind of rape are no-nos. Those involved in those situations cannot or do not legally consent, and even if they don’t actively protest, they may not possess the mental wherewithal, the communication skills, or the ability to properly make a decision. (What the age of consent should be is a different debate for another time, but for the sake of argument I’ll go with the standard 18. Though there is a difference between a 19-year-old having sex with a 17-year-old, compared to say, a 40-year-old having sex with a 5-year-old.)

But adults, over the age of 18? I may not find their sexual interests to be interesting to me, but I try not to judge them for it. I’ll even give most things a try once, particularly if I’m in a good committed relationship… and I’ll

Some of the fetishes I have may be considered (by some) to be strange. Others may not understand them, and may not like them. (Hell, some people don’t even understand or like a person who is GAY, let alone particular fetishes.) And I’m okay with that – I don’t need everyone to share my fetishes. I just don’t want to be ostracized or judged for them.

I could explain and dissect my sexual interests, but that really isn’t the point. I may share them with a significant other at some point, but then again, some of the stranger ones may just not come up in conversation unless they check my porn history. And what’s happening in my porn- and pondering- fueled fantasies is not necessarily things that I will ever act on. I may just have a mild curiosity about it.

However, even my strangest fantasies and fetishes … seem to be shared by SOMEONE. Just about everything I can think of searching for online turns up at least a couple results. Even if some are obscure, and only turn up two or three videos, they are not totally unique to me. They may be so strange that without the internet, we’d never know it was a “legitimate” fetish … one might think it was just themselves. One might wonder if it was wrong and hide it. One might also be driven so crazy by it that it came out in inappropriate ways….

Also, what IS a “fetish”? We don’t consider many things fetishes, because they are interests or attractions shared by so many people. Or we don’t reach the point of being obsessive about them (and fetishes seem to elicit some obsessive quality, at least in the porn world.)

What do you think, readers? What fetishes are too “out there” to be discussed? What is taboo?

The Crush List – Winter 2013

Hmm, I really need to do this more often.

1. TV shows – so I don’t fill up my entire list with shows, here’s my top 5 of the moment – Arrow and Revenge (Though aren’t those two basically the same plot? Wronged survivor reappears in their hometown, after years of martial arts training and planning, to exact revenge on those who screwed over their families/friends, with lots of deception and secrecy), Happy Endings (Though I want Max to date more!), RuPaul’s Drag Race (Jinx Monsoon and Jade Jolie are my current faves from week 1, and I really am annoyed by Alyssa and Coco, I know their drama is good for TV but they are the least likable queens EVER in Drag Race herstory) and the web series Space Janitors (http://spacejanitors.geekandsundry.com/).
2. Conor Paolo (of Revenge and Gossip Girl) – seriously fucking cute. The hair. The voice. The … everything.
3. More “out” celebrities – including Jodie Foster, Victor Garber, Matt Dallas….and whomever else! Seriously, celebs are instantly more likeable to me when they come out.
4. Evernote application/website – I’ve only been using it a short time, but I’m addicted. I had previously been cynical about note taking programs and preferred old-fashioned pen-and-paper or saving electronic files on a thumb drive. But I tried it out on a whim, and it’s helping me be more organized about a research project that I’ve been doing haphazardly until now. https://evernote.com/
5. Word games and puzzles from the USA Today website. I don’t often take time to do an entire crossword, but the shorter word searches, quick crosses, etc. on the USA Today paper or site are nice for a quick “brain exercise”. http://puzzles.usatoday.com/

#15factsaboutme

1. I wish I had a boyfriend right now.
2. I over-think everything. I over-analyze everything.
3. I’m probably smarter than you at “book smarts,” but I often wish I could trade that for more “street smarts” and “people smarts.”
4. I am insecure about many things. (My body, my career, how I speak, how I appear to others, etc.)
5. I am also conceited about a few things. (My writing, my ideas, etc.)
6. I have far too many things I want to do in my life; it will be impossible to read all the books, see all the movies/tv, visit all the places, etc. that I want to experience.
7. I have a million ideas for my own books, movies, and other creative/business projects, as well. And my ideas and thoughts about the world seem to be unique and unusual.
8. It’s taken me a long time to discover who I am, and how I identify (particularly in regards to sex/gender/sexuality, and in regard to faith/beliefs)
9. I am pansexual, polyamorous, and genderqueer. I believe that society’s ideas about gender are mostly wrong, and often harmful. I am open to finding love wherever it finds me – regardless of the gender of the person.
10. I have a unique set of beliefs. I believe there is much we don’t know about the universe. I believe there is a “god” or a force that binds us all together in the cosmos, but that he/she is not the typical “old man sitting on a cloud, both all-powerful and all-loving” that organized religions preach, but rather, this “god” or “brahma” defies human understanding. I believe that nothing can be wrong/evil if it does not harm others, and I follow the creed “do what you will if it harms none.”
11. I’m still trying to “find myself” and decide what I want to be when I grow up…
12. I have thought about suicide in the past, and depression is something I continue to battle sometimes.
13. I am most often an introvert, and a private person.
14. I often feel like I have no willpower. Though there are things I want to change about myself, in order to be the best version of me, I have difficulty making these changes happen.
15. I feel like a walking paradox sometimes.

Who am I looking for?

As I was looking at some porn (yeah, I said it), I started wondering if I was a one-lover type of guy. I enjoy looking at pictures of hotties, and I’m attracted to a lot of people. I had casually joked about this one time with an ex, and they jealously freaked out. Their response was way out of proportion to the actual comment I made, and the comment in no way meant that I planned to cheat on them. (Though it did end up happening that I kind of cheated later, but it was unplanned, I swear! and I’d already realized things weren’t working out).

But seriously, what’s the problem with admitting that I’m attracted to other people? There is a biological drive to have sex with as many partners as possible, the better to spread our own genes to the next generation. This happens in most animal species, and we’re animals, too. Monogamy is an idea that’s been forced on us by a bunch of people who wanted to maintain power – rulers, churches, etc. We each have multiple grandparents, parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. who we “love” equally in a different sort of “love” – so why is romantic love restricted to one person at a time? It isn’t. And if you need evidence, look to the billions of examples of promiscuity, cheating, divorce, and remarriage that happen.

Anyway, all this then led me to thinking about what I am looking for in a guy. Although I have a general idea in my head, I am hoping that writing it out will lead to some conclusions – or even to some help finding someone (or ones)….. so here goes! (These are just general guidelines. I’m not ruling out anyone I haven’t met based on prejudices!)

My ideal guy (or gal):

1. should like to read
2. should like to watch tv and movies
3. should like to have philosophical and intellectual debates
4. should like to cuddle
5. should be open-minded and NOT a bigot or hypocrite
6. should have a mix of some shared interests and some different interests
7. should like (or at least be okay with) having pets
8. should want a family, including children (someday)
9. should be able to DISCUSS polyamoury and all aspects of our sexuality

Physical attraction is also necessary, but as I mentioned before, finding that really isn’t the problem. Finding a true emotional connection is much more difficult.