I don’t think humans are built for monogamy. There are scores of politicians and celebs out there (cough, Jesse and Tiger, and Spitzer and Sanford, cough) who cheat on their spouses despite proclaimations of “family values.”
I’ve been both a cheater and “the other man.” I’m not proud of it. I’ve made excuses for it, but that’s all they are. They were times when I made decisions against my own ethical codes. I don’t know that I’ve ever been cheated on… but I’ve had relationships end only to see the person fly into the arms of someone else. And I’ve had enough friends who have been cheated on to realize how badly it can destroy a person. If you need to sneak around your significant other, for any reason, you shouldn’t be with them. A relationship without honestly isn’t a relationship.
Recently, I’ve developed a friendship with a guy who is interested in getting in my pants, but not so interested he pushes me beyond my comfort zone. He’s just as interested in my mind, and introduces me to new music and films. He’s happy to blur the lines of friendship and relationship – sex, to him, doesn’t have to be some mystical, lovey-dovey affair, but it doesn’t mean he won’t cuddle before and after we mess around. Perfect for me, right? Except for the fact that on our second “date” he told me he’s in a non-monogamous relationship and his live-in boyfriend would be home later that evening.
On our third “date,” I had an mind-blowing time in bed – with both him and the boyfriend. And though it’s not perfection, there’s something to be said for a hot threesome.
Actually, it might be the perfect situation if I occupied one of the two other positions in the group. As it stands now, I still slept in the guest bedroom once the sex was over. Sometimes I think I’m just the “naive” pupil for their sexual education fetish. I wonder if they view me on a different, lower level because I seem to have less alternative tendencies and interests than they do (at first glance, anyhow). I don’t have any desire to break them up or mess with their dynamic. But at the same time, I want something more than to be someone else’s standby.
I don’t see them fulfilling my every need, either sexually or intellectually, and I don’t think I could fulfill theirs either. In some ways, they would eventually annoy the hell out of me. This is the way I feel about a lot of people. So how am I supposed to find a “The One” when I am not sure I believe he or she exists? I think I could fall in love with any number of people under the right circumstances. And I don’t think just because I’m in love with one person that I’m automatically precluded from being in love with another.
Still, a relationship with this couple is something I would continue to pursue, if the interest is mutual. They both turn me on, and I have a good time with them. It’s a tricky situation, but so is any dating situation. The question that remains is: are they open to a long-term triad, or are they done with me now that they’ve had their fun?