Tonight I had an embarrassing situation – I got turned down by a guy because I hadn’t been tested recently enough for his standards. The embarrassing part is not that I got turned down (been there, done that), but because of the reason, which showed I haven’t lived up to my own standards. I really admired him for actually asking. This is something none of the last X people I’ve hooked up with or dated have asked.And it’s something I’ve been afraid to ask – because I’ve also been afraid to answer.
Yes, I know the importance of getting tested frequently. I know my excuses are just excuses.
I really think that couples should get tested together before having sex. However, what about random hookups? We all fall into that trap, regardless of how stupid it is sometimes.
It’s just an excuse, but I really don’t feel comfortable at the local government-sponsored testing center. And I can’t always plan for sex – if I’m going to follow the idea that a person should be tested between each and every partner, then I honestly don’t know how I would have fit that into my schedule (considering I probably would spend twice as much time in the waiting room as actually having sex). And when you’re posting or answering personal ads online, there’s virtually no way to verify the other person is telling the truth anyway – so in the context of a hookup, does it really make sense to even make an attempt to be clean, or assure the other person you are?
There needs to be a quickie-mart of sex. Someplace safe that people can go, regardless of other circumstances, and get instantly tested (and get condoms and other safe-sex supplies) 24 hours a day, seven days a week. While we’re at it, why not provide someplace safe for those people to hang out – especially LGBT youth who often don’t have anywhere else they can turn. Actually, providing a safe, legal place for sex work (prostitution) isn’t a bad idea either. License the sex workers and force them to get testing, and force the clients to get tested too. After all, between two consenting adults, what’s the big deal about paying for sex? Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends got fame and fortune out of dating Hef, and there’s a reason we have the term “gold digger.”
But that’s neither here nor there. I’m back to making excuses and drawing attention away from my point – that I wish I could live up to my own expectations. I wish I had been tested more recently – and not just because I’d be having sex right now. I wish I’d had the courage to turn down more of my trysts and followed my own rules.