Don’t ask to use my toiletries. It’s a hookup, not a spa.

A few months ago, my date turned out to be a creep. I was not only unimpressed by the sex, I was actually repulsed by the gollum-like man who invaded my bedroom and bathroom.

First of all, the dude barely spoke English, something I’ve railed against before. He was about twice as old as he appeared in his picture. And while he did have a certain cuteness because of his small features (I think he was literally half my size), he wasn’t exactly my dream man. When he came over, in the middle of the night, we started to mess around. He then made us take a shower. While showering together can be a sexy thing, this felt more like getting scrubbed on my way to a jail cell or gas chamber.

We messed around, and I actually let him fuck me. I had only attempted to bottom once before (and had to quickly stop a couple more guys who tried to stick it in). Even though my previous attempts had been completely unpleasant, I went along with it. I figured I was curious about it, I had enjoyed rimming and fingering sometimes, and this was a good a chance as any. I’d never seen anyone with a smaller dick.

I still can’t say I enjoyed it. But that’s not why I hated the evening so much.

After we had sex, he asked to stay and sleep for a bit, because it was very early morning. We did sleep some, and then later that morning woke up… and the dude would seriously not leave. I sat there and tried to send off my best “get lost” vibes, but the dude would not take the hint. He proceeded to spend about 40 minutes in my bathroom. AND then he asked to use my hair brush. I was perplexed, but I handed it to him. If I had been in my right mind I’d have handed him a different one I didn’t like as much. After he finally left, I immediately put the brush aside and vowed never to use it again.

Now the situation may be different if you’re actually dating someone. If you’ve sucked face and had contact with various private parts, AND you actually like the person… well then feel free to ask for anything and I probably won’t mind.

But after a quick hookup, I think all you need to provide is what you should for any household guest –  a toilet, toilet paper, a sink, hand soap, and a towel.

It’s normal that you should provide a towel of some sort (paper towels are acceptable, and even a t-shirt will work) to wipe up any messes. Many guys keep a towel handy for their daily masturbation routine anyway. It’s just tacky to sit around with drying cum or lube (literally tacky). A towel can get the worst off, and they can freshen up further in the bathroom before they leave. They may also just need to pee before they go, if they’ve stayed a while or they need to travel far.Offering a shower is an optional nice touch, but I usually prefer to shower at my own place anyway. And I don’t usually offer unless I plan to see the person again.

So, I expect that a guest may take 5 to ten minutes in the bathroom to clean up. But beyond that… just put on your clothes and go as you are. That’s one reason thry call it a walk of shame. Run your own fingers through you hair. But don’t ask to use my comb. And if you’re more than ten minutes, it gets a little weird. It’s a one-night stand, not a spa weekend.

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