Last night was gonna be a good, good night…

I had made a date, which was essentially a sex date, for last night. Then I got cold feet. I told him I wasn’t sure if I was in the best mood, but he talked me into hanging out anyway. We both pretended we could just hang out, but our hormones proved too much. We took a more scenic route to his place (which was smart and afforded us time to talk about things) but as soon as we were indoors we started messing around.

It wasn’t exactly equal (he came and I didn’t) but I don’t really care about that. I enjoy making other people come and just the physical contact and intimacy more… if I want to “come” all it takes is five minutes and my hand.

Then we got cleaned up, and watched some TV, and I spent the night.

As usual, I am afraid I pushed too far in certain respects. I’m a huge cuddle freak. Seriously, I could cuddle every minute of every day and be happy. I have yet to find anyone whose appetite for body contact quite equals mine. So throughout the night, in the half-asleep but extremely restful state I seem to maintain whenever sleeping next to someone, I get touchy.

And once again, I’m afraid I have ruined my chances with this guy by being too weird. I really like him, and I’m not sure that he feels the same way at all.

So exactly what I was afraid of happened. I got wrapped up in the moment, made the same mistakes I always do. I push too hard and I fall too hard. Now I’m stuck wondering what will happen.


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