Heaven knows I’ve struggled with what to do. How to find the frog of my dreams. How not to go insane when the temps turn out to be less than advertised. Well today that changes (maybe).
Here’s the method I’m going to follow:
1) Use only the “good” dating sites.
No more cruising f*ckacreep.com at 3 a.m. I’ve picked two sites which I think have the most reputable clientele, are free, and have decent mobile apps. I’ve spruced up my profiles.
2) Message one person per day.
Of course if someone responds to me and I’m interested, I’ll write back. However I will not sit there “winking” at 30 people and hoping only my first choice responds while I juggle 3 second-choice frogs. I will pick my top crush of the moment. I will write one carefully worded message. And I will wait at least a day, giving them a chance to respond while I can still devote my whole attention to them (but I’ll wait only a day or two, because I’m better than waiting by the phone).
3) Respond quickly and keep my highest standards.
When someone messages me, respond as soon as I can. If they don’t meet my expectations, politely say I’m not interested. If they do, respond thoughtfully and take time to see where it goes. (My basic standards include not more than 10 years older, not married/taken, have a face photo, and I am still attracted to their least attractive photo.).
4) No sex until the 30th date.
This may be the hardest to follow. However, I have a theory it may be the most important. Yes, 30 dates is somewhat arbitrary; it’s about a month if you go on a date every day. I’ve written out a plan that has flexibility. For some things, as many as three dates could occur within one calendar day (dinner, a movie, and a post-movie desert). You could also spread it out to take longer than a month. The point is to take time to get to know someone and build real intimacy. And if you can stand to go 30 different dates without the momentum of sex, and when you finally do it’s good, you’ll know you’ve got a solid relationship started. Now the only dilemma is whether to tell the boy. Would he be into it, would he be frustrated by the wait, or would he think it too neurotic an experiment?