As I was looking at some porn (yeah, I said it), I started wondering if I was a one-lover type of guy. I enjoy looking at pictures of hotties, and I’m attracted to a lot of people. I had casually joked about this one time with an ex, and they jealously freaked out. Their response was way out of proportion to the actual comment I made, and the comment in no way meant that I planned to cheat on them. (Though it did end up happening that I kind of cheated later, but it was unplanned, I swear! and I’d already realized things weren’t working out).
But seriously, what’s the problem with admitting that I’m attracted to other people? There is a biological drive to have sex with as many partners as possible, the better to spread our own genes to the next generation. This happens in most animal species, and we’re animals, too. Monogamy is an idea that’s been forced on us by a bunch of people who wanted to maintain power – rulers, churches, etc. We each have multiple grandparents, parents, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. who we “love” equally in a different sort of “love” – so why is romantic love restricted to one person at a time? It isn’t. And if you need evidence, look to the billions of examples of promiscuity, cheating, divorce, and remarriage that happen.
Anyway, all this then led me to thinking about what I am looking for in a guy. Although I have a general idea in my head, I am hoping that writing it out will lead to some conclusions – or even to some help finding someone (or ones)….. so here goes! (These are just general guidelines. I’m not ruling out anyone I haven’t met based on prejudices!)
My ideal guy (or gal):
- should like to read
- should like to watch tv and movies
- should like to have philosophical and intellectual debates
- should like to cuddle
- should be open-minded and NOT a bigot or hypocrite
- should have a mix of some shared interests and some different interests
- should like (or at least be okay with) having pets
- should want a family, including children (someday)
- should be able to DISCUSS polyamoury and all aspects of our sexuality
Physical attraction is also necessary, but as I mentioned before, finding that really isn’t the problem. Finding a true emotional connection is much more difficult.